Hilarious Father:
(Out to breakfast with the family)
H: What kinds of juices do you have?
Waitress: Orange, cranberry, apple, and tomato.
H: Hmmm... I'll have a Pepsi.
H: Your mom has what I call T.I.T.S... Technology induced touretts syndrome.
(Text conversation when I was in NYC)
M: In Times Square!
H: Watch out for cars and the Naked Cowboy.
Hilarious Mother:
(Watching cars trying to navigate the road on a snowy day)
R: Who thinks a PT Cruiser is 4-wheel-drive?... Besides that guy!
(Watching the Westminster Dog Show)
R: It'd be funny if one of 'em took a dump out there.
(Referring to a poorly dressing woman at a casino)
R: Why is her belt doubling as her underwire?
Text Message Conversations with Hilarious Mother:
R: Lemon drop martinis at work today!
M: What are you up to today?
R: (Sensing that I might want her to come see me) Bitch please, we were in Chico yesterday!
M: (After I was really sick) I CAN BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE!!!
R: Good, staying up on the drugs helps. Will & Grace ch. 38.
R: 'The Bachelor' in Chico tonight.
M: We're watching it right now.
R: I think she creeped him out.
M: Ditto.
Text Messages from Hilarious Sister:
A: I hate when people don't leave messages. And when people on the freeway are slags about letting you merge.
A: Best advice of the day: Don't work too hard. You don't want to be the richest girl in the cemetery. Best compliment: You look like a movie star.
A Friend's Hilarious Mother:
K: Do I have google on this computer?
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